The following takes place during the time between Raziel's execution
and resurection.
This day was like any other ordinary day in Nosgoth.
The clan leaders were all sitting around the Pillars as Kain watched over
them when it hit. A new plague had hit Nosgoth. This plague was more evil
than the vampire plague...this plague dealt with bad Japanese anime. This
plague had to be dealt with immediatly. It was the pokemon plague. Three
pokemon trainers: Ash, Misty, and Brock got lost and were on their way
into Nosgoth.
"Gee Brock, this doesn't look like Veridian
City," Ash screeched in his child actor voice,"Maybe if you would actually
open your eyes you'd be able to see where we're going!"
"Hmmm..." Brock pondered,"I don't think that
we should have taken that left turn at the ghost tower."
"Kain, what are those disgusting things?" Dumah
asked.
"I don't know...?...What is this thing?" Kain
looked downward and saw a little yellow mouse named Pikachu. It looked
at Kain playfully and hopped around with delight. It could sense that Kain
could wield electricity, so he tought he found a new friend.
"Ha ha ha, Pikachu, did you find a new friend?
My name's Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town."
"This is yours? Take it back!" Kain yelled
while field goaling Pikachu across the room.
"PIIIIKKAAAAA CHH-" Pikachu's scream was cut
short as he burst open like an over ripe watermelon against the wall.
"AAAAAHHH Pikachu! You killed him you son
of a -----!" cried Ash wiping pieces of Pikachu off his face. He charged
toward Kain. Kain didn't appreciate being called what he was called, so
he unsheathed the Soul Reaver. Ash stopped dead in his tracks and started
running; however Kain was much faster than him, because, unlike Ash, he's
not a little wuss. Kain tore Ash from limb to limb and finally cut off
his head and placed it on the pillar of balance as a warning to all other
invaders. But, of course, not before he let the vampires with the great
fashion sense and lisps have their fun with him.
"Master Rahab! A girl uglier than Ariel is
in our territory!"
Rahab, Kain, and the others quickly set off
for Rahab's territory to free it from this unholy scourge.
"Oh these water pokemon are ugly as h---."
Misty screached.
"They aren't, what is it, pokemon? They're
vampires." Rahab said.
"Vampires?EEEEEK! Staryu, Starmie, GO!! Misty
unleashed her water pokemon in order to keep Rahab away, "Water gun NOW!"
The water sprayed over Rahab, but did nothing.
"Thanks," he said,"I needed a shower."
After saying this he pulled out all of Misty's
ratty hair and hanged her by her stupid suspenders. She died wondering
why she even wore the frigging things in the first place. But a mysterious
creature still emerged.
"Toge Toge PIIIII"
"It's an egg," Zephon said as he picked up
Togepi,"I think I'll treat my worshippers to scrambled Togepi tomorrow
for breakfast." They all laughed and went back to their territories.
Meanwhile back at the Pillars...
"Why aren't there any women around here? I
need some hot luvn and my right arm is getting sore!" Brock complained.
Suddenly Ariel appeared. All Brock could see
was her "good" side.
"You must get out of here at once, or you'll
end up like your friends!" she warned him.
"OOOOOH!! You're pretty! What's your name?"
"Ariel, but that doesn't matter..." she started
saying as she turned toward him and face him.
"EEEWWW, what happened to you? You're all
ugly and decayed..."
"I'm dead you moron."
"I don't want some old, ugly, dead b----."
"Why you little!" Ariel searched the area
around the Pillars and noticed that Kain left the Soul Reaver behind. She
picked it up and started smacking Brock with it yelling, "Who's your daddy!?
WHO'S YO DADDY!?"
Brock died screaming like a little girl.
Nosgoth was now free from the unholy pokemon
and balance was restored...sort of.
When things were finally back to "normal",
running into Nosgoth were Officer Jenny and her VERY good friend Nurse
Joy.
"Dammit Jenny, if you didn't have to wear
those out-of-style high heals, maybe you'd run a little faster!" Joy shouted.
"It's not my fault! Blame those idiots at
Nintendo who created us. And you should be talking with that poofy dress
you have to wear."
"I'm sorry, we shouldn't be fighting. Let's
hurry and find Ash!"
The two headed for the Santuary of the Clans when they discovered one
of Brock's pokeballs.
"This is brock's Onix!" Jenny said,"I'll hold
onto it."
As they ventured into the Sanctuary, they
saw the Pillar of Balance with Ash's head on it.
"Oh my gosh...Ash!?!?!" Joy gasped and turned
around,"OH NO!" she looked at a splattered image across the wall that had
yellow fur in it,"Pikachu!!" Joy was in a panic as she ran around vomiting
at the sight of Pikachu until she saw what Ariel did to Brock,"Uuugh,"
she turned around to run, she slipped on pikachu's spleen. Joy then fell
back and hit her head, splitting her head on one of the steps. She died
almost (well not quite) instantly (after 10 minutes of sheer agony).
"Joy...no," Jenny cried, "Now they're gonna
pay!" Jenny then released Onix from its pokeball,"Let's go Onix!" Jenny
hopped onto Onix's back and they set off to get revenge.
"What's this,"Jenny looked down at a green
pool as she hopped off Onix's back," a whirlpool?"
"Welcome to our execution grounds,"Turel stood
in front of her as did Dumah and Melchiah.
"Welcome to the Abyss,"Melchiah said.
"Oh sh--!" Jenny stammered. Turel, Dumah,
and Melchiah had Onix by it's tail and swung it like a baseball bat and
knocked Jenny into the Abyss.
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Jenny screamed as she
swirled around in the Abyss slowly sinking into its depths.
The three brothers then discussed as to what
they shoul do with Onix. They decided to rip it apart and use it to repair
the nasty damages on the Sanctuary's walls.
"That fits nicely,"Turel said as they all
laughed over the demise of pokemon once again.
"You know,"Said Melchiah,"I should have skinned
her for my collection."
A moment of silcence fell among the 3 brothers,
as Turel and Dumah looked at Melchiah strangly. Then, the 3 burst out laughing.
They never noticed the 3 figures aproaching
from a distance...
The silhouettes faded back into the shadows
of the Sanctuary.
"What do we do Jessie? We'd better get out
of here!" James sqealed in his pansy@$$ voice.
"We still don't know what happened to Pikachu.
Let's investigate further." Jessie beeched (or something that sounded like
beech, anyway...),"Ewwww, what's this red stuff?" Jessie was looking at
the stain Pikachu made when he was field goaled across the room by Kain.
After they left the Sanctuary, Jessie, James,
and Meowth traveled all over Nosgoth, but couldn't find Pikachu (well technically,
they DID find Pikachu what's left of him anyway). Eventually, they came
to the abyss.
"Hmmmm....Why don't we go...West! That's the
closest area to us," Meowth shouted. Jessie and James decided this would
be a good idea and proceeded into Raziel's territory.
"EWWWW, this place is dull and lifeless,"
Jessie screached,"Why don't we fix this place up a bit?" Jessie then whipped
out a paint brush and a bucket of bright pink paint.
"Jessie," James asked in a bewildered voice,"Where
did that stuff come from? Those sick, little monkeys at Nintendo didn't
give you enough clothes to have pockets."
"Who knows? every time we need something we
just reach behind us and POOF! it's there."
Team Rocket then proceeded to paint the walls in the most horrific
shade of pink that you've ever seen, we're talking beyond sissy-girl pink,
until they heard an ominous voice booming behind them.
"As if it wasn't bad enough that my clan was
wiped from this world, now I find you painting my territory PINK!?!?!"
this was the very POed Raziel.
So in response to this, Team Rocket said their
idiotic motto that got old after the 5th episode. Jessie jumped in front
of Raz and said,"Prepare for trouble!" James jumped in front of her,"And
make it double!"
So Raz said,"Oh, you like rhymes do you? Then
how about this:
You think that
you have balls
made of brass,
But I'm gonna
jam these spears
up your @$$!"
"Hey...you didn't let us finish.....GGggguuhuh!!!"Jessie
gasped as Raziel jammed the spear...well...you know where.
"Ppplohfajladkurhl," was James death sound
as he shared the same fate that Jessie had.
Their last words were,"Looks like Team Rocket's
dying off again."
"How could you do that to my friends?" Meowth
cried.
"Easy, like this!!" Raziel said giving him
the middle claw with one hand while jamming a spear up Meowth's keister
with the other. Raziel then poured the rest of the paint of questionable
origin onto Team Rocket's dead carcases.
Now, Raziel could finally continue on his
quest for vengence...as soon as he could find some paint thinner.
THE END
This is dedicated to my fellow pokemon haters. Thank you.
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