Questions

By Kaia
 

"This one is for Mom, Dad, Ricky, and Donna
Thanks for supporting and loving me guys!"
 


     Why me?
That question has been plaguing me since the moment I opened my eyes and stood for the first time in the Spirit Realm, since the moment that demonic Elder God’s voice first reached my ears. Why me? I want to know, I have to know, why me?
     I may sound a little selfish, feeling sorry for myself like this. But you know what, I don’t give a damn, I think I’ve suffered enough to earn the right to feel sorry for myself. Wouldn’t you?
     I realize now that it was not just my evolution that caused Kain to have me executed. I think he knew that I would return, stronger than before, a mere shadow of my former self. Kain maybe the only ally I have left, which only makes me all the more uneasy about all this.
     Even more pathetic and sickening is the fact that Kain and I are kindred spirits, souls that were mercilessly used and manipulated. He and I are alike; our journey’s nearly identical. Both of us killed and reborn to sate our hunger for vengeance. Kain as a vampire, and I as something else, something more powerful and deadly, with a hunger that surpasses a vampire’s bloodlust.
     It is always gnawing at me, never satisfied. Even in the Spectral Realm my hunger for souls can not be sated. When I am injured or weakened, it is worse, worse than anything I had experienced as a vampire. It is always there. It never goes away, no matter how much I feed. This deep pain in the pit of…well, where my stomach should be. Like the bloodlust ruled over my former vampiric self, so does this new hunger rule over the new me.
     The vampire Raziel is gone forever. The proud and powerful vampire lord that once ruled Nosgoth’s western territory is dead, never to return. All that remains of him is this ragged and withered specter. His body mutilated far beyond any recognition and his mind a chaotic storm of questions and rage. 
     Why? Why was I chosen? Out of all the people in Nosgoth, human and vampire, it had to be me. Who picked me? Who chose me to be this Savior of Nosgoth? I’m sure anyone in this position would ask the same questions. I never asked to take this responsibility nor do I want it, but the choice was made for me. 
     Kain, I guess, is the same way. He did not choose to be Ariel’s successor. He did not ask to be born the second Ariel’s heart ceased to beat. But, we were chosen. We were chosen to save this world from this threat called the Hylden. 
     By now I’ve decided that this Hylden is most likely those creatures I saw the winged vampires fighting in those ancient murals. Janos never said anything about them, but I have a dark feeling in my heart that this is all about to get worse, so much worse. Kain seemed terrified of them, and Kain is a being I have always believed even till now to be fearless. If the Hylden, whatever the hell they are, have scared Kain this much, you can just barely imagine how utterly terrified I am now. 
     So, here I sit, in this room where I murdered my human self, where I was impaled by the twin reavers, and my soul was being absorbed in the physical blade, until Kain interfered that is. Here I sit against the wall, the physical blade lying across the room, Kain gone (he was gone when I came back to the Physical World), and my mortal alter ego lying dead in the center of the room. I’ve must have been in here for hours. The Sarafan most likely looking for Vorador which would explain why I have not been found yet. Who would believe that I was responsible for Malek not reaching those doomed members of the Circle? Maybe Moebius had him there just so he could be punished like he was, or will be as seeing the time I am presently in.       
    God, how much would I give to go back to my old life as a vampire, to simply wake up and have this all been some horrible nightmare. Or even better, awake as someone else completely, someone that has never even heard the names Raziel and Kain. I’m so tired of this. I’m tired of being scared all the time, I’m tired of having to find out all this horrible things about my past all at the same time. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to go back to the Abyss, or to Hell, or anything along those terrible lines. But most of all, I don’t want to live out the rest of eternity trapped inside a sword. That’s all I want, I want to go home, I don’t want to play messiah any more.
    But that will never happen, and I know it. The only choice I have left is to just stand up, take the reaver, and find the Heart of Darkness. If I find Moebius, I’ll rip him apart limb from limb, very slowly. I really need to hurt someone right now, and I want to hear Moebius scream in agony like Janos did. Right now Kain can be skipping through a field of wildflowers for all I care. I am gonna get to the bottom of all this and answer all these questions that are swirling in my mind. 
    And God help whoever tries to stop me.

End
Kaia 
2002

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